My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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