If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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