The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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