Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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