I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
