you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
