apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
