he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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