So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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