sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
