Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize