could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize