You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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