some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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