How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
