If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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