it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
