We got so high we made milksteak
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
