Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
NoShamevember. You game?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
