Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
