i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
