i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My ass is underappreciated
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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