At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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