On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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