Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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