Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
