Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
