Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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