Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
