This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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