i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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