My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
