Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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