remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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