Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
