to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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