PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
