I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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