They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
