See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
