and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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