i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
