Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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