Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
