Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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