you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
