I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
