dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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