I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
