She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
