Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize