im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
