His hands were made for my vagina.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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