I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
