I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
