i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize