soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
