I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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