dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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