pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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