I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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