in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
