I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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