I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
