you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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